James does not go to school for an education or to follow his IEP...
He goes to school because he knows his teachers love him, for his friends and for LUNCH! Kids with Down Syndrome don't care about learning how to read as much as they want to please a teacher that they know loves them. Thanks to the wonderful teachers at Hillcrest High School that love James.
Eddie and I had the opportunity to share our story with future Special Education teachers at Evangel University and at MSU this week. *The key to a good learning experience is to connect to the child and to their parents. Find out what the child likes, what he loves to do, what his home life is like, what is his favorite food, and what is most important to him? Special children and their families don't have all the experiences and abilities that other typically developing children have...But they have THEIR STORY...they own their story. By the time a family walks through the door of a classroom, they have lived through a lot of adversity... they may have been through surgeries, years of therapy, doctor's appointments, stress, and sickness. They are troopers...they have worked so hard to get to this place. They may also be still dealing with grief. They may have grief over what they thought their child would be like...grief over the death of their dreams for their child. Some are able to go through that valley of grief to a new hope and a new vision for their child. Some are stuck at one of those stages of grief... like depression, anger or denial. When parents walk through the door, they have a lot of fear.
-They are afraid that their child cannot learn.
-They are afraid that the teacher won't like their child.
-They are afraid that their child will be bullied by other kids.
-They are afraid because they are entering this new world of "Special Education"... the reality that their child is really developmentally delayed.
Many families have gone through such stress that the marriage didn't survive. The last statistic that I heard was that 85% of the marriages in a family with a special needs child went through divorce. Many mothers have to work full time, and it becomes very stressful trying to get to work and take care of the extra needs of the child.
It is not always easy to deal with our kids when they misbehave. It really helps when we have a teacher that doesn't assume the worst when he doesn't act right. We are in a partnership with the teachers in an effort to teach our special children how to live life and how to behave in an appropriate way. I always ask James' teachers to share with me when he doesn't act right because I want to teach him to be a good boy at home, school and church. I am so appreciative of his teachers who share issues with me with a good perspective. They don't label him as a bad kid... they share the behavior, I deal with it and reinforce our rules for behavior. We hope he learns and gains through it.
When a teacher understands the family dynamics of the student, and connects to the student and parents... believing in the child, it opens the door to help the child succeed. They really don't come to school to get an education. The teacher that does their job but does not connect to the student and make a relationship with them will spin their wheels. My James is more likely to work hard for the teachers that he knows loves him.
Teachers and therapists have the opportunity to share hope with these families. Share every small gain...every positive thing that you see in the child with the parents. Sometimes, we can get so discouraged when our child is not learning to read...James is still "an emerging reader" after all these years... You may not be able to give glowing reports about their educational achievements, but you can share about how kind they were that day, how they finished a project, how they followed instructions, or had compassion on a fellow student. Celebrate every gain, every act of kindness or good behavior. Share the funny or cute things they did...anything you appreciate about them. Let the parent know you see the good job they as parents are doing. They need to know they are doing something right. Every time I go to the eye doctor with James, he notices how James is gaining something in his development and tells me that we are doing such a good job. That will keep me going for a long time. Let the parents know how much you like their child...they really need that.
I am very proud of James. He is confident, compassionate, he is happy, loves his family, church, sports, music and life. I will continue to work hard to help him be everything he can be, but I am at peace...I pray that God will give him everything he needs to fulfill his destiny. I pray that God will give me the wisdom when to push him to do a job and when to take the pressure off, relax and just enjoy my sweet boy.
*I am so thankful to "Teacher Pow" (his first teacher in the Philippines who absolutely was amazing!), to Mr. LaGarce (his wonderful elementary teacher), Mrs. Weaver and to all his great Hillcrest teachers. They have played a huge role in his life. James told me this week..."Coach McCullough calls me "James-amoney"...I "wuv" that...I "wuv" her."
