Our New Reality.. When Others Don’t Know What To Do or Say
As we made our way through our new reality, we continued to go to doctor’s offices, visit therapists, and find out what we could do to help our baby. We had so much to learn in such a short period of time. We were so grateful to the Regional Center and DCO in Springfield, MO that taught us all about Early Intervention and what therapy to look for. They gave us a list of good books to read, and were so helpful and hopeful as they led us down our new path.
Our friends and family were very supportive and kind as they learned to love James. A few acquaintances had some responses to James’ diagnosis that were really made out of ignorance and just not knowing what to do with our new reality. I will never forget the day that we were in a doctor’s office waiting for him to see our little guy... I got up to read something on the bulletin board that gave me some very wise counsel. The article talked about what to do when people don’t know how to respond to the fact that you have a special child. Sometimes when you are out in public, people struggle to know what to do or how to talk to you. I personally think they just have never met anyone with Down Syndrome or whatever disability they are facing. They don’t know what we know. That our child is precious... that he is not primarily identified by his disability... he is James.
The author went on to say “Whenever you see that people don’t know what to do or say, YOU model it for them... that you love your child... reach down and give him a hug...or a kiss... and smile... let them know that you are ok with this.... you have grace for the situation and then smile at them.
When friends ask about your child or if they say the wrong things, just realize that they just don’t know... they have never had to deal with it. So again, we, as parents need to model for them what to talk about. They may keep saying “I’m so sorry, so sorry you are having to go through this...” When this happens, accept their attempts to talk with you, however, you may need to lead the conversation. Tell them something positive with regard to your child’s development and progress. Providing a positive talking point helps to overcome the awkward moment and gives direction for a conversation. I remember saying “Well, this week, we have been learning all about Early Intervention and the therapists have been so kind and encouraging. He is starting to gain a little weight, so we are very grateful.” Not everyone has the grace or the capacity to know all the details that you are having to deal with... and that is ok. We can show people with our spirit and actions how to deal with the news and the new reality. If we are having a hard time with it that day, be honest with friends and say, “You know, we are having a hard time dealing with ___________, but we just love him so much.”
Ask your friends for prayer. We don’t have to be up all the time, but we can’t expect people to know exactly what to do and say. We need to extend grace to them... they don’t know YET what a great little baby you have...Just think, by seeing you with the special grace that you have for your child... you might have just changed their ideas about families with special needs children.
